Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
