$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
