i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
