I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
