what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
