Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
