The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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