i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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