I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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