5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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