Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
