highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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