Don't you send me to vm
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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