been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
