i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
