I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
