Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
