opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
