the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
