you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
