One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
