my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
