How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
