my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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