Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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