Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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