he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
