do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
