and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
