If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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