Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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