Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
