I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
