hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
