just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
