I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
