I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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