fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
