if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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