Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
