I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So vagazzling was a success
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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