I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
