I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
