i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
