She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
