I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
