do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
