that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
