matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
