Tell her she can't have a vagina
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize