Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
