i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
