Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
