Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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