Where is the hickey?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
