she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
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We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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