We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
