32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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