Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm too high and old for this...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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