I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
