i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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