its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
