I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
