I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
