3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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