I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
