pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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