Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
