You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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