i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
