i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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