i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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